Constant Companion, Loneliness

What if loneliness is that kid in school 

Tried to be friends with everyone

No one wanted to be seen with Loneliness

It was shameful to admit if we ever hung out with her

Yet so many times when no one was around, 

A lull in the distractions we normally busy ourselves with

Loneliness would come knocking on our doors

Hey, let’s spend some time together.”

We slam the door shut.

Yes we have time, but not for someone like Loneliness.

We busy ourselves again and call up our friend Distraction on the phone.

We turn up the music and ignore the incessant knocking of Loneliness, 

Still standing outside waiting to be let in.

Strange how one so often rejected is so persistent in her pursuit of us.

What if we opened the door?

What if we invited Loneliness in to sit and talk.

What could we learn from her if we were humble enough to listen?

I often thought that if I gave Loneliness an inch, she would swallow me whole.

What if I do become her friend and stop letting Fear and Distraction keep me too “busy”?

What if Loneliness has some precious secrets to share with me?

The thing is, she is very shy and not prone to sharing these treasures when others are around. 

She demands our full, undivided attention. 

Perhaps she holds the keys to unlocking doors in my house that I don’t have the key for. 

I’m sorry sweet Loneliness. 

I have tried my best to drown out your cries and endless thumping outside. 

I’ll open for you.

I spoke with Truth and learned your true nature… you are not so vicious as to consume me.

We can be friends and my heart will go low to authentically meet with you; to know you without Fear’s meddling input. 

Fear was never my friend, though I know he was just trying to protect me from the surprise visits of my unwelcome cousin, Pain. 

My dear sister Truth reminded me that my cousin Pain also has important lessons to teach me and a strength to offer me but only through holding his hand without drawing back.

I can’t fake it with Pain. He knows when I’m just pretending to be ok. Pain exposes me at my core, unpeeled and raw for the world to see. 

Fear might serve to protect me but he also prevents me from basking in the beautiful existence of my allies, Love and Trust. 

I think I need to break things off with Fear. 

I’ve spent enough time going deep with Love to know it is worth it to be vulnerable and let my guard down. 

While such vulnerability is viewed as a weakness by many, Truth is teaching me that it is a highly underutilized and scarcely recognized superpower we all have access to and can choose to wield. 

Vulnerability is that friend who I only see a handful of times a year but when we meet I spill everything out that is burdening my heart. 

I know this is not frequent enough to build a solid friendship. 

I know I need to connect with Vulnerability more often so that we can become more comfortable with each other and I can grow in my superpower of authenticity. 

I have had some memorable run-ins with my cousin Pain 

While I often wish we were not related, I have learned that Pain is not a psychopathic murderer (as Fear has gossiped is the case) out to kill me. Pain has a lot of scars on his face and looks scarier than he actually is. Sometimes he twists my arm behind my back or puts me in a headlock so I can’t breathe… like the obnoxious older brother I never had. 

Pain has some things to teach me as well, and a strength to offer me that my friend Joy simply cannot. 

Often Pain is giving me a hard time because I have neglected my Heart and ignored her deepest desires and needs and I need a reminder to stop, slow down, and listen to Heart again. She is not the best at fighting for her voice to be heard, so she teams up with Pain to get my attention and wrestle me into a place where I’m ready to listen. 

I’d much rather spend more time with Joy and Peace… but sometimes the only ones who come to my door and are free to hang out are Pain and Loneliness. They seem to be well acquainted with each other.

Even if Joy is not always available, I’d like to introduce my friend Peace to my constant companion, Loneliness. I think they might balance each other out well. 

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Peace, but like other old friends we’ve known our whole lives, I know if I call him up that he will be happy to come over and connect with me, even if Loneliness is still here, currently sleeping on my couch. I think I might always need to make space in my home for Loneliness because she whispers to me of the deepest longing in all of us that reminds us of our Creator and true home which is not found anywhere on Earth. 

Loneliness reminds me that I’m just a pilgrim spirit, in a borrowed vessel of flesh and blood and the unquenchable aching I feel is to be united with my Creator face to face, Heart to Heart, only truly at home in Abba’s heart. His heart is an endless mansion with enough rooms for each beloved soul, yet it holds the warmth and coziness of a quaint cottage tucked away in the mountains. 

The strangely shaped void in my Soul was intentionally carved out by Creator who, as it logically stands to follow, is the only one who holds the exact shape to fit back in and complete me.

Is this not what we all seek at our lonely depths? Completeness. Healing. 

I think so.

I don’t think Peace is scared of hanging with Loneliness, though I know he will have nothing to do with Fear. 

If I’ve been stupid enough to let Fear past the threshold for a visit, Peace will keep his distance. They cannot coexist. It simply isn’t in their nature. 

Loneliness on the other hand, becomes a hideous creature when influenced by Fear’s presence. If I let those two in the same room together they always team up against me and I never win those fights. I’m a bloody mess after. 

Fear claimsto have my best interests at heart (as many so called “friends” do), but Fear doesn’t want me to be friends with Faith and Love and will often invite his brother Shame over to beat me down “for my own protection” so I am too ashamed of my bruises to accept Faith and Love’s invitations to leave the house and go for a walk with them. I don’t want to be seen in public because Shame has left his marks on me. 

Sometimes my own family members will even bring Fear over to my house because they know that Fear shares their opinion on a certain subject and they think I should take their advice. 

This frustrates the hell out of me.   

One friend who I used to be so close with that I really miss is my friend Hope. She and I used to be inseparable. We told each other everything. I think when she saw me letting Fear into my house more, she started staying away. I haven’t heard from her in a long time. I think maybe she is off travelling. I do want her to return soon. I want to tell her I’m sorry for believing the lies that Fear told me. 

I think I need to invite my truest friends over to stay for a while and help my Heart walk hand in hand with Pain. It would be great if Hope, Joy, Peace, Faith and Love would come over for an extended slumber party…. Maybe they’d even move in with me!? That way when Fear tries to come over again and beat me up along with his idiot brother Shame, they won’t get past the front door because one of, or all of my true friends will be the ones answering the door for me. Fear and Shame won’t have a chance against all of them teaming up and defending my Heart. Then my Heart can properly heal without Fear’s interruptions and venomous fangs trying to re-inject the poison I’ve just detoxed from. 

Yes, I do believe it’s time to kick Fear and Shame to the curb and only invite those friends over who truly have my best interests at heart. Those friends who have found their place in our Master’s home, who know Abba, who will tenderly care for my Spirit while challenging me to grow and be better than I was yesterday. 

It’s time.